Jason Madison Murray

The moment you died,
My heart split in two.
One side filled with memories.
The other died with you.
I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep.
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheeks, 
I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain.
Life has gone on without you,
But never will it be the same.

I like this picture a whole lot.  Mommy showed it to me when we are looking on the computer.  It has been raining here today.  Mommy says you are helping God water the flowers.  I miss you Daddy.  I wish you were home.  I love you Daddy.

 

 

 

 

Sweetie, my memory for today is how much you loved being outside with the kids.  And they loved it too.  Even when we were just pilfering outside, they were outside with us.  It didn't matter how little they were.  In this picture Kyle is about 8 years old and Miranda-Jo is not yet 1.  You used to play in the gravel with the kids and toy cars and trucks.  It was so cool the things ya'll created for the cars to go over.  I wish Ty could have had that a little more.  Remember how you always said we shouldn't take naps in the summer time.  There was just to much life to live outside.  No one was ever more ready to take the boat to the river than you.  Except, maybe Ty.  He pretended to be Daddy every time he drove the boat.  He is so much like you.  He's already hounding me to get the boat to the river.

 

Remember the drives we would go on.  No particular destination.  Just going where felt right.  Man, we would get into some adventures.  I remember one of our excursions that was a family outing.  We were looking at trailers for someone.  There were a ton of us.  We piled into 2 cars and took off on a whim.  We went to that trailer place down by Marmaduke, Arkansas.  I smile every time I think of us breaking down at the Fuzzhead C-Store in Marmaduke, Arkansas.  The tow truck driver, Randy, said that he thought it was a prank call and almost didn't come.  Brenda took Mom & all the kids home in one car, while you, me, John Brian, & Kyle waited for Randy.  We had to pile into the front of the tow truck.  It was really cramped.  Ya'll made fun of everything.  Every time I see Randy in town we have a chuckle over that.  We were so very glad he believed us and actually rescued us.  We are all missing you so much.

                                                                                              I love you!!!

 

 

Brenda,

 

I remember who the trailer was for.  Sometimes, I don't know what to say in a memory and what not to.  Miranda was there too.  She was really little.  The trailers were really crappy and John's car was a piece of crap.  But so was ours.  We did have to get it towed.  I remember ya'll couldn't find us.  We saw you when you came to get us, but you didn't see us.  It's probably better ya'll didn't move here, you would have hated it.  We do, and always have.  Jason & I were paying this piece of crap off and getting out of here this summer.  I'll still do it.  Jason & I both really love my Mama, but enough is enough. Man, that was sure back in the day wasn't it.

 

Well babe, we made it through easter.  Each holiday is tougher not easier.  I feel so incredibly alone since your gone.  We went to Tim & Jennifer Hood's after church.  Tim's whole family was there.  It was just like old times.  Except we wanted you there.  Tim & Tyler play fought for a long time.  Ty kept asking Tim "Do you wanna tussle?"  Tim would say he was too old and Ty would say "Well, bring it on old man!"  We had a really good time.  The kids hunted easter eggs and we HAD to get out of the house for a while.  We were going stir crazy.  Tim & Jennifer are very loyal friends.  Babe, we're very luck to have them.  After we left their house, Mom called & asked me to come to Fisk.  Some nice ladies your Dad works with got the kids an easter basket.  It is very kind of them.  Jace it's hard goin to Fisk now.  Everyone there is just as sad there as here in Doniphan.  Christie brought Marissa over too.  We sat & looked at old pictures.  I enjoyed being at Mom's.  All in all, we all made it through easter.  Now to worry about Baby Ty's birthday.  I miss you so very much!!!!

                                                               I LOVE YOU!!!

 

Well i have already written about all the easters that we have had together but today is soo different! On one hand we are happy cause we know your up there watching and mom and dad came to Virginia to spend easter with us for the first time here, but on the other is very sad cause its the first one we have had to have without you! I talked to Rose today and she sounds so sad, i wish i could just make it all better for her! I know for the past 2 years Bobby and i haven't gotten to spend easter with you Jason but i sure do remember all the other wonderful ones that we had! It was easter at your house 6 years ago that Bobby asked me to be his girlfriend, i remember we grilled! This is also the first year that mom and dad have been away from home for easter so the kids and Rose was kinda freakin out and i could understand they have been there with them this whole time! Jason it snowed here like crazy yesterday just out of nowhere! It hardly ever snows here it was so weird! Dad is making his famous ham, Jason I know you would have loved it as you always did! No holiday or birthday or special occasion will ever be the same without you!  Mom and dad brought dexter to me and he is doing really good, i think he misses jake though lol! He is a really good dog and hasn't even tried to run out the door here! Jason show Rose some happiness today cause she sure does need it and show her that your still there and please tell God to help her to have strength and to get through everyday one at a time! Happy Easter Jason! We all love you so very much and miss you even more!!

 

Love ya! Clarissa

Sweetie, we went to the river tonight.  I think Mike had an "okay" birthday.  He told me that this  summer just isn't going to feel right without the other "boat captian" there.  (all he gets is me attempting to drive your boat)  Kyle brought Sadie with us to the river.  They are so sweet together.  She's really helping in the tooth-brushing & deodorant departments. (LOL)  We hunted easter eggs both at the river and at Jeannie's yesterday.  Okay, we weren't as prepared as Jeannie, we hunted tennis balls at the river.  (It worked)  Only because the kids either ate all the eggs we dyed at Jeannie's on the way home or else they are lost in the Burb.  Scary, huh.

 

Mike, Kim, & I have been talking about our last trip to Branson together.  We had a blast.  We shared that bed & breakfast with them.  We ALL remembered YOUR favorite parts.  The hammock & the hot tub.  Gosh, remember how much fun the bumber boats were.  You guys ganged up on me, and I couldn't get out from under the waterfall.  I was soaked.  We all laughed until  we cried.  When we rode the go-carts (for and hour)  we were like four 16-year olds.  The other patrons probably thought we were crazy.  You said it didn't matter, cause we were having the time of our lives.  We discovered how really good you were at miniature golf.  Way much better than me.   

After the 1st night, you & Mike drove back to the cabin at the river, and hung out another night alone.  (Complained about me & Kim) lol.  He told us tonight about how peaceful it was around the campfire that night.  Listening to the owls hoot.  He says you are the only person to listen to his stories over and over and never act like you heard it before.  Ya'll went fishing wayyyyyyyy up river.  Farther than he had ever taken Kim.  You teased her about it so much, she insisted he take her at least a "little" bit further than you.  Mike really misses you babe,  he gives me the biggest hug every time I see him, and he tells he every time that you love me.  He is really a great friend to you.  We are blessed that Kim & Mike are friends to both of us. 

 

Babe, I love you!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Jace, I'm very proud to be part of your family.  We had a family dinner tonight.  It seems so strange for you not to be here.  We all just sat around and talked, mostly about you.  It was really nice.  No matter how hard it is for us to all be together without you here we will always continue to have those dinners.  We promised each other.  Babe, they are leaving tommorrow to go to Virginia to see Clarissa, Bobby, & Jaden.  I know they really miss them.  They are all so excited.  Miranda is really upset.  She's worried they won't come back.  Aunt Vicky talked to her and told her Yes, they ARE coming back.  I think maybe it helped.  I'm really excited for them all, but we don't like them to be so far away from us.  Or Clarissa and Bobby either.    Uncle Kevin & I talked about all the times you guys always did goofy stuff together.  No matter what kind of a mood someone is in, Kevin can change that.  There have been countless times that you were at your wits end trying to fix something and called Kev right up.  Sometimes you already had it fixed, you just wanted Kevin to scope it out.  (LOL)  He always dropped everything to rush right over and help you with whatever crisis you were having.  Honey, I have seen them or talked to them every day for the last 64 days.  So many times it's just to play with the kids.  We are really lucky that they have our back.  They have truly been a blessing to your little part of family that lives in our home.   I will be forever thankful for the both of them  & their children.  It's really late and we have a big day planned tommorrow.                      

                     Good Night Sweetie, I pray for dreams of you.  I love you!!!!

Hey Jason, well I haven't written in a little while but its ok. Easter is coming up and I'm sure Rose and the Kids are going to miss you more than ever, so just be with them and show them that even though you aren't there in body that you are there in spirit! I remember the many easters we all had together before I moved here to virginia, and you BBQing, man that food was good, you were always such a good cook and the times I would stay at your house is when I would try something new and you would always make fun of me cause I never tried much! Jason, Mom and Dad are coming here tomorrow, so please just watch over them and be by their side while they take the long drive here! People drive so crazy here and since your accident I'm even more paranoid, cause I have had a few close calls and I know you were watching over me and keeping me save as well as the whole family! It's so sad that you are gone but at times it makes me feel good knowing that you are up there to keep us safe! I wish we could have shared more easters together! And ya know, I also want to thank you for marrying such a wonderful and caring person, Jason, Rose loves you so much and is so sad all the time, I can tell when she is having a bad day but yet she still listens to my problems and issues! I just love her for that, I don't know what I would do without her, helps me sooo much! We are each others rock at times and I wish that we didn't have to go through this but at least we have each other! You know we talked about Mom and Dad moving here but now I'm glad that she has them there for support, my Mom and Dad have been great! When Bobby gets time he is going to write on here about the camero,river, and you know what else!! LOL That Jason is OUR special memory!!! We will never forget that, all of us that were there at the river that night! Boy it still doesn't seem real to me I guess cause I'm all the way over here and don't have to live the everyday life there walking through your house and you not being there! I do wish I could be there though! Just want you to know that I think about you everyday and that I love you and miss you so much! Hope your having fun in heaven! We know you can see no bad which its a VERY good thing! Love you Jason

Hey sweetie.  Gosh, I miss you so much.  In the mail today, I got the accident reconstruction report.  Wow, it's really long.  I know it's important, but who would have ever thought it. 

One of the many things that I'm upset about is the highway where our accident occured.  I can't count the number of times you have told me about working scenes on that stretch of highway.  Of course, it was usually at the end of the four lane or on the curve.  Your accident was right in the middle on the straight part.  If it were 4-lane instead of 2-lane, wow, what a difference that might make for others traveling that highway.  I'm working on it honey.  I, personally, can't find any reason why a 4-lane highway hasn't been constucted yet.  I'm on a mission to get it done as soon as possible.  We have to hurry, before any more accidents occur there.  I could go on forever, but we have school tommorrow.  Ty & Miranda both have Easter parties tommorrow.  They are really excited.

 

We have beome the other people this always happens to.  How did that happen?  It wasn't in our plan.  The real truth is that we have to follow the plan of our Creator.  Not our plan. 

                                                 Good night babe.  I love you!!!

Beside your grave I often stand

With heart both crushed and sore,

Silent till the sweet words come,

"Not lost, but gone before."

God knows how much I miss you,

He counts the tears I shed,

And whispers "He only sleeps,

Your loved one is not dead."

So I'll be brave dear Jason,

And pray to God each day,

And when He calls me home to you,

Your smile will guide the way.

I miss you so very much sweetie.  You are the love of my life.  Thank you for being the best husband in the world.  I long for the day when you hold me in your arms again.  I love you!!