Hey honey.  The kids are all in bed sound asleep.  This is when I miss you most.  When it was just you & me. Lately we were studying.  I saw Michael the other day.  I think he's doing well in school.  He will do you proud.

 

The memory I want to share goes way back.  Back to the trailer on M highway.  Wow, remember that place.  Waffles and Pebbles.  When Waffles always got into the trash bag.  (we were too cheap to buy a can lol)  Then one time he was diggin in there and you picked up the bag with him in there and shook it all around.  That dog was so messed up after that, but he never got in the trash again.  Remember Neighbor.  They were so cool.  We had lots of great times with them at the picnic table.  I know JB had lots of cool times with Neighbor. 

 

I remember how you and JB would make fun of the weird guy who would do karate on his tree.  You guys were so loud.  Every time I tried to shush you, you guys just got louder.  It was hilarious.

 

Remember the time that I went to the grocery store and when I came home all the windows were open.  JB & Josh Miller were standing near the front of the trailer lookin all weird.  When I went in you were in the front room just shaking your head.  You said, "What are we going to do with those boys?",  "Now, Rose, don't get too mad, they said it was an accident."  I went in the front bedroom, (JAIL) and THEY HAD CAUGHT THE BED ON FIRE.  It was out by then, but the mattress was black and soaking wet.  I was so mad, and all JB & Josh did was laugh.  It didn't take them long before I was laughing too.  Jason thought they were nuts. 

 

One more, remember the time the water heater blew?  We honestly thought that the house was on fire.  JB & Jason got the kids out of the house.  I was so glad they were there.  It was crazy.  Or the time that I accidentaly locked the keys in the car.  While it was running.  Jason was already at work and, well, he only had the one key I was using.  I had to call a locksmith who charged me $80.00.  You were so mad at me.  He made me give him a massage every night for a month to make up for it.  He liked that part. 

 

We lived close enough that Christie used to come over all the time.  She was pregnant with Megan and we would go shopping together.  I was, and still am glad that we all get along so well.  You guys always put Rissa first.  She is a faithful christian woman and a great Mom to her. 

 

Remember the birthday party that we had for Kyle.  You put his first bike together.  He always called you Steppy.  Except for when you were his Coacher in soccerball.  There was that time that we went to Cape Girardeau to Marissa's favorite store.  We were trying to find somewhere to eat in a hurry because she was STARVIN and did not want McDonalds.  So we let her choose.  You said she could choose because she was the sweetest little girl in the world.  I'll never forget it. 

 

Sweetie, I miss you so much.  It's so hard for me to realize, or to accept, that you aren't ever going to walk through our front door again.  I keep looking for you.  If only I could feel your arms around me again.

 

I love you!!!

 

 

You know I really thought that for me I would be ok by now but you know, im really not! I feel really guilty for never making you take a picture with me and that everyone else has one with you but me! That hurts alot cause I have no pictures of you and me just the memories. I remember the day Bobby and I got married, the most important day of my life and im so glad that you was there! And that I was able to have you in it! That meant alot to bobby and i. During the reception we where told to hurry cause we had a surprise coming at 6, so when that time came you and Rose made us close our eyes to walk outside and OH MY GOODNESS IT WAS A LIMO!!!!! You and Rose had gotten us a limo, how awesome was that! We had never been in one before, we where so surprised and shocked. We loved it! You followed us to the Bluff in mom and dads car so that we would have a ride to Dexter! When we got there we got out of the car and you where standing there with this proud look on your face and hugged me sooooo big and told me congratulations, and at that moment i knew you where proud of bobby and I and how far we had come! I will never forget that! And bobby and i promise to continue to make you proud! Jason we are all going to miss those big bear hugs and thank god dad hugs like that too!! I thank god everyday that we got as close as we did! I miss you so much and wish i could have told you that i love you one last time! There is a piece of our hearts missing now and it hurts! I don't know if it will ever get better! With lots of praying, in time it will! I love you so much Jason and miss you even more!!

One of my greatest memories of Jason and his family is when we lived near Mom & Dad in Fisk.  John Brian, (he was JB then) lived with us.  Jason was working nights in the ICU at Doctors Hospital, and like we tended to do, JB and I were hanging out talking.  It was really late and we were getting ready to go to sleep.  When out of nowhere, he said that he thought that he was ready to give his heart to the Lord.  I, of course, freaked out and didn't know what to say.  So...we called Dad and JB talked to him for a really long time.  I was so proud of JB that night.  I called Jace at work to tell him and he teared up on the phone.  I will never forget the joy in Jason's voice that night.  When Kyle was wavering on the verge of being saved, we shared this story with him.  I honestly think that it helped him make up his mind.  He was so glad to be in the same club as his Uncle and his Dad.  So thank you to Jason & JB both for helping me raise my little boy into a good person.

 

I will always remember and miss the wonderful times when I was a part of the trio.  I am truly sad that it is over.

Wow, sweetie.  I can't believe that it has been 33 days since the Lord took you home. 

Remember when we used to talk about how things would be if anything ever happened to either of us.  How death brings out the oddest things in people.  Of course, we always talked as if we would be much older.  Well, things aren't turning out the way you thought they would. 

Honey, I'm not going to write a whole lot more of our special memories on this website, I'll save them for my journal.  Things are crazy down here and I hope you can only see the good things from heaven.  

From the day we stood before God and our family and friends, my heart has  been true to you and always will be. 

 

I will forever love you!!!!

Wow we had a great service at church today.  I cried through most of it, but it was still great.  Remember when we first moved to Doniphan.  We drove to Fisk to church for a couple of years, then you decided that our children should be more involved in youth church with their classmates.  We tried out several churches and then at Emmanuel, we felt right at home.  Everyone was so welcoming.  The day that we went to the front and asked to join the church was a great day for our family.

 

Even though you didn't get to go on Sunday during the school year, you sure were faithful about taking Kyle on Wednesdays.  I'll never forget the Sundays that we were able to go as a family. 

 

The Lord sure has blessed us.

My Cousin

People never knew just how much he meant to me and you They knew him by name, but it's still not the same His eyes so bright, his smile so wide We always let him know we were right there by his side Now he's gone from me and you Now we have no reason to be blue We loved him, he loved us And we have to try not to fuss He said goodbye and gave you a kiss Now all we can do is reminis Why does God take the best to love Up to that great big world up above? His memory will never leave His kind and gentle smile will always be seen Never forget him, never let him leave your mind Tell him you love him, just one more time.

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU JASON!!!

Ya know one of my funniest memories with Jason is when i came home one day with my first tattoo! Jason thought it was the neatest thing and talked about how he wanted to get one that had something to do with the paramedic symbol, and he asked me if it hurt and i said not to much and i said "hey why don't you go and get yours and he said nah maybe later!" well i called him a sissy for the longest time and bugged him about it, talk about pressure lol! well then dad got one and oh then he decided that he was finally going to get one! So Rose, Jason, dad and myself all went to cape that day to the tattoo place and it was funny cause as soon as we got there we seen a girl pass out so Jason thought he might have to work his magic on her but she was ok! but he didn't know what he wanted cause he had changed his mind about the paramedic thing so we looked though the books and we found one for him it was a starburst and he liked it so thats the one he got and you know he took it like a champ it was so funny to sit there and look at the facial expressions he had on his face! lol i kept asking him if he was ok and he would just nod his head and say yeah! and Rose got 2 tattoos that day too, it was just a great day that we had together and he was so scared to show his dad and i made fun of him cause he was like a little kid but he finally got brave about that too!! And you know it was the neatest tat, we all love it and Jason was very proud of it! Man stuff like this you just can never forget, the times were so great Jason and i will keep remembering you and writing memories and i think that you are very proud of this page and nothing but trueness comes from my heart when i am writing about you and no one is going to tell me otherwise cause you know that i love you!

Wow.  What a day.  Today was my first time to go to Jason's favorite place in the world.  Our little piece of Heaven on earth.  Current River.  I have a ton of memories of us on Current River.  Jason was so very proud when we got our boat.  I remember right after we got it, he would be waiting at the back door of the bank at 5:00 exactly.  That was our favorite time to go.  We didn't have much time before we had to pick up the kids, but we would sneak away and just enjoy ourselves.  One time we went way upriver and were floating back.  Reveling in God's glory.  We saw the biggest beaver you have ever seen.  He was smack in the middle of the river.  We watched him swim all the way across.  Jason was so excited.  It was the coolest thing.  We would always wonder if there were more fish in the river than turtles.  (He voted for fish, I always voted for turtles.) 

When Jason was on the river, he was more at ease and happier than anywhere else in the world.  The other day, out of nowhere, Tyler asked me if I could drive a boat.  Man, I'm scared, but I am going to learn everything about it this summer.  We are lucky that Kyle and Jason have spent so much time together driving the boat.  (and that Kyle remembers all that stuff) 

Remember that time the boys were going to jump off the rock and we saw that huge fish.  (if it was a fish, it was HUGE)  We wouldn't let the boys jump.  That time.  Jason would always wait until I had my back turned and let Kyle jump anyway.  My men are too brave.  Our time at the river will never be the same.  It just doesn't feel right without Jace.

Wow Rose the blowing of the nose is something i always made fun of him about!! And boy do we wish we could hear it now! Well one of the memories i have come to mind is when we were all at Jeannies for thanksgiving and we all said what we were thankful for and it seemed like we where just all a big happy family but who knows anymore, that was one of them but the other is when Jason fell asleep in the chair and i put jadens duck on his head and B on his arm and babies and purses around him and he woke up wondering what the heck was going on! lol that was so funny and a few minutes later he was out again so Bobby put some cool whip on his nose and he woke up again, took his finger and wiped it off, looked at it for a minute and then oh my gosh he put it in his mouth and licked it off!! lol that was so funny we all laughed at him! And you know the great thing was that no one argued that day everyone was great we all had a blast and for once we where ALL just together again! Its different now cause the one person that tried to hold us all together the most is gone! Lord what are we all going to do without him? I wish you could tell me! Who am i going to call when jaden is sick? You where the one person besides mom that i would call! Wow i just dont even know man but i do know that i miss you very much and will forever remember you and keep you in my heart! I cant wait for the day that we will all be together in heaven and happy! And you know im going to take dexter just like you wanted me to cause now we are in our new house and i promise to take care of him! And i also promise to take care of Rose and the kids! You are very special to me Jason and i love you very much!

My best memory today is when Jason holds me.  I really miss his arms around me.  Even in my worst nightmares, I never imagined my heart could hurt so bad.  It seems like I miss the little things the most.  Like rubbing his hair in the morning while he fell asleep after he came home from a long shift, or as we said our prayers and went to sleep at night.  I miss the way he always had to be touching me to fall asleep.  I miss the way he blows his nose.  (One nostril at a time).  Man, I even miss the blasted snoring. 

 

My best memory after Jason moved to heaven is pretty silly.  He slept every Saturday morning at our best friends Kim & Mike Allen's house.  He always bragged about breakfast being on the table waiting for him when he woke up.  When I went over there the week after, his bed still smelled like him.  (no children had nightmares and peed in that bed)  It was wonderful to lay in his essense.  After my cry, as I was leaving the room, Mike said "Hey Rose, Jason left a pair of dirty socks on the floor."  (That's why I can't ever find his socks,  I think Mike confiscates them.)  I actually picked up those socks and buried my face in them.  What has the world come to when I am actually wanting to smell Jason's dirty socks?!?!?!?

 

Jason, I know you are happy in Heaven, and I am so very happy for you,  but man this really sucks not to have you home.  I always tell you that you are my strength.  I don't feel very strong anymore.  Some things are going crazy.  I don't know how to deal with it.   I'm just going to do what you always say.  Give it to the Lord, He'll take care of it.  Please send me answers from Heaven.

 

I love you man,

Rose