My best memory today is when Jason holds me. I really miss his arms around me. Even in my worst nightmares, I never imagined my heart could hurt so bad. It seems like I miss the little things the most. Like rubbing his hair in the morning while he fell asleep after he came home from a long shift, or as we said our prayers and went to sleep at night. I miss the way he always had to be touching me to fall asleep. I miss the way he blows his nose. (One nostril at a time). Man, I even miss the blasted snoring.
My best memory after Jason moved to heaven is pretty silly. He slept every Saturday morning at our best friends Kim & Mike Allen's house. He always bragged about breakfast being on the table waiting for him when he woke up. When I went over there the week after, his bed still smelled like him. (no children had nightmares and peed in that bed) It was wonderful to lay in his essense. After my cry, as I was leaving the room, Mike said "Hey Rose, Jason left a pair of dirty socks on the floor." (That's why I can't ever find his socks, I think Mike confiscates them.) I actually picked up those socks and buried my face in them. What has the world come to when I am actually wanting to smell Jason's dirty socks?!?!?!?
Jason, I know you are happy in Heaven, and I am so very happy for you, but man this really sucks not to have you home. I always tell you that you are my strength. I don't feel very strong anymore. Some things are going crazy. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm just going to do what you always say. Give it to the Lord, He'll take care of it. Please send me answers from Heaven.
I love you man,
Rose